10 Questions for the makers of ‘Radhe Shyam’

The new Prabhas starrer, Radhe Shyam which was eagerly awaited by the superstar’s fans and by Prabhas himself, as he had never done a full-fledged love story before, has sunk without a trace. Of course, the unprecedented success of The Kashmir Files played a hand in the collapse of Radhe Shyam. But even in his home territory in the South, Radhe Shyam is a non-performer. And not surprisingly so. It’s riddled with absurdities. Subhash K Jha lists some of them.

1.When the romantic leads are named Vikramaditya and Prerna why is the film called Radhe Shyam? Is it a pauranic connection to Lord Krishna (who was into ‘flirtationship’ just like Vikramaditya) and his beloved Radha?

2. Prabhas who plays Vikramaditya is a palm reader. He reads Mrs Indira Gandhi’s palm and tells her. ‘You will declare a state of emergency in this country.’ He then flees the country because of his “offensive” forecast. Why would Mrs Gandhi take offence to the idea of a state of emergency when she was already considering it?

3. Why does Vikramaditya carry a briefcase wherever he goes? What is in that briefcase? Is it his janam kundli? Or his property papers after selling all his possessions to flee India? Or maybe he thinks they match the swanky suits he wears to work? Could we have a brief explanation to the mystery of the omnipresent briefcase?

4. Why does Bhagyashree the ‘No Sorry No Thank You’ girl from Maine Pyar Kiya plays Prabhas’ mother? She looks young enough to be his kid sister! I kid you not! Is it because Vikramaditya is secretly Peter Pan instead of a palmist whose mother must look young, as the actor playing him can’t?

5. Bhagyashree plays a Bharat Natyam dancer. But when she dances at the ‘London Festival’ (why would they feature Bharat Natyam there?) we don’t get to see her dance.

6. Twice in the strange and silly screenplay Prabhas walks into a hospital blood-soaked after near-fatal accidents. Does he hate ambulances? Has his palmistry predicted he would live forever except if and when he gets into an ambulance which may crash while the siren wails its way hurriedly?

7. Speaking of the hospital, it resembles an abandoned museum with the doctors and patients providing comic relief to us (which is like putting a band aid on a migraine). One of the ‘supposed’ funny patients played by Jayaram asks a nurse, ‘Do you have oxygen in any other flavour?’ We are supposed to die laughing.

8. Kattappa from Baahubali, that is the very talented Sathyaraj, here plays Vikramaditya’s spiritual guru in aviator Paramhansa. He cannot see. This automatically spares him the ordeal of having to watch Radhe Shyam. By the way, what is Paramhansa’s prediction about the fate of Radhe Shyam at the box-office.

9. Pooja Hedge who plays a doctor’s niece (I am afraid that’s the closest I can come to defining her character’s identity) loves to lean out of speeding trains while men are supposed to hold her back from falling with a scarf around her waist. The censor board doesn’t give a ‘Do Not Try This Stunt On Your Own’. Warning in fine print on the right-hand corner is a must. The frames are so pretty, they didn’t want to defile them.

10. Why was this film made? Was it because the producers had surplus money to waste? How about using the funds for something more worthwhile the next time, like food for starving kids, or surgery for the brain-damaged talent responsible for this LOL love story where Prabhas and Pooja play Romeo and Juliet in the Titanic. Shakespeare would sue if only he were alive. James Cameron is thinking about it. First, he needs to stop laughing. So rude!