From connecting with self to establishing work-life balance, here’s how to tackle loneliness

The experience of loneliness has become a more commonplace phenomenon. People have started recognising and referring to experiencing feelings of hollowness and disconnect within the relationships they have and the kind of life they see evolving for themselves. Often they also find themselves at a loss for what needs to be done in such a scenario.

For most, it is but natural to think that as one grows and achieves the goals and targets they had set up for themselves, it would lead to a feeling of joy and fulfilment. Instead more often than not they find themselves moving towards even loftier goals in search for a state of happiness and contentment that seems to be rather evasive.

Even as they continue to occupy multiple spaces within the social fabric they are a part of they likely experience a state of disconnect that leads to increased feelings of dissatisfaction. Till such time that things are running on autopilot, so to say, it all seems to be running well on the outside. But as soon as one indulges in the process of reflection and introspection and attempts to consider the feeling of goodness of where one is, what has been achieved, the way has shaped up, doubts begin to emerge.

In order to tackle this kind of a scenario it becomes important to first start rebuilding the state of connectedness with the self even before you consider connecting with people, communities or the environment that surrounds you.

Connect to the self

In order to connect with your own self it is necessary that you start carving out the time to be able to indulge yourself. It is something that can only be done if you begin by building the right kind of boundaries by assessing for yourself what holds meaning and value for you. These boundaries necessitate that you take stock of your life and start determining for yourself how much time you can and would like to invest in which domain.

It translates into also figuring what is a good work-life balance that works for you and even within the context of your personal life related activities what is the kind of balance that you would wish to incorporate for yourself.

It is essential at the same time to learn ways of being able to say a ‘no’ to the things which you find you would not like to be a part of. This can be rather difficult; especially as for many people avoiding saying a no is also a way to avert any amount of discomfort or conflict that can potentially emerge.

Avoiding arguments can be a forerunner in the reasons that often prevent people from sharing that they would not like to do something. Additionally, they often feel that letting something go this one time is not a big thing and the next time they would surely take the alternative approach and share their honest thought process. Little do people realize that each time you avoid saying a no you are only making it more difficult the next time.

To connect with yourself you also need to dig deep within yourself to determine what your interests are and what the things you are passionate about are. Instead of allowing yourself to move from work or chores to gadgets and just going off to sleep you need to carve out time to truly reflect and recollect what the other activities have been that have held your interest in the past and others which you would like to explore in the future.

Even if some of these feel like them materializing may be rather improbable, it is important to at least develop an acute awareness with regard to them so they can be considered or an opportunity created to explore them.

Taking this ownership is crucial for your to be able to connect to yourself. It is easy to fall into the trap of saying you don’t have time or there is someone constantly demanding you to do something or the other. However, you need to become more consciously attuned to taking measured steps towards not being derailed by these elements.

Investing in yourself to overcome loneliness

Life does not have to be just a combination of roles and responsibilities. In the gamut of responsibilities that do fall upon you, there is one that also pertains to yourself. In order to be able to lead a full life in which you feel happy and content as well as mentally and emotionally in a position to supply to others around you, it is imperative that you consider some of the following things to invest in yourself.

Proactively demarcate time – Create time frames within which you would dedicate time towards your own self. The way in which you chalk out time for meetings and tasks, similarly take an active approach to chalk out time for yourself.
Avoid getting stuck to gadgets – Gadgets can become a big distractor and prevent you from truly indulging in yourself. Learn to keep them away while you do other activities so you can more fully enjoy what you are doing in that moment.
Be willing to experiment – Sometimes you may not have very clear answers. That is ok and living with the ambiguity may seem a little difficult but it can be tolerated. Be open to experiment with different activities and meeting different people or being a part of new initiatives if you find yourself stuck in such a space.
It’s okay to be different – Your choices can be different and unconventional. That does not need to be something you need to be concerned about. You may be a square peg in a round hole and that is your uniqueness which you need to appreciate so others around you do not question it as well.
Be self-compassionate – In pursuing goals people often tend to become very harsh with their own selves, chastising themselves for the things that are difficult and the targets that are difficult to meet. Being compassionate towards yourself is important. Giving yourself the space to make mistakes, do things at a comfortable pace and to sometimes not do the things that are constantly being demanded of you is okay.

Taking care of yourself will, devoting time to yourself, and being cognizant of what you need for your own well-being is going to be critical towards how you feel about the life you are leading and whether you feel disconnected and lonely in this journey of your life. So make choices in an effective manner that help you invest in and connect with your own self.

Dr Samir Parikh is a psychiatrist and Kamna Chhibber is a clinical psychologist and authors of the recently released book ALONE IN THE CROWD